100 Ways to Kill a Doctor: No Joke
by mariteri
Summary: Yet another answer to the 100 Ways to Kill a Doctor challenge. Rated M for mature content. This is AU and completely a SHENNY story! If you don't like this pairing, don't read this and then complain later. If you do, you only have yourself to blame. Really.


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Big Bang Theory or any of its characters. Nor do I make any moneys from the posting of this fanfiction.**

 **Here we are again. Another answer to the 100 Ways to Kill a Doctor challenge. I hope you guys are liking it as much as I have. Enjoy!**

 **Please read and review.**

 **…**

 **No Joke**

In the end, Penny thought it was Leonard's own fault for not taking her beliefs seriously. She had told him that not only was magic real, but it should be taken with earnest. But no, he had made fun of her and what she was saying. Samhain wasn't something to make fun of and to plan on dressing up as witches as a way they were planning on doing was just wrong.

"I refuse to do it," Sheldon told them all. "I am sticking to my plan of dressing like Spock from the original Star Trek in memory of Leonard Nimoy."

"There's no way I'm dressing like a witch," Bernadette said. "My mom would have a heart attack if she thought I was even thinking about going pagan on Halloween."

"Yeah, and besides me and Bernie already have our costumes all picked out," Howard told Leonard. "We're going to be Arthur Dent and Trillian!"

"Cinnamon and I are staying home to hand out candy," Raj told them. "There's a lot of kids in my building going for their first trick or treat! It should be so much fun."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?" Leonard asked in a whine. "I'm not going to be the only one going as a witch!"

"Yes, because you want to be in a group to tease me over the fact that I think it's dangerous to do so when you plan on making fun of something you don't believe in," Penny muttered.

"I'll do it," Amy said. "I'm sorry, Penny, but it's for the best that you see this hollow belief of retribution being cast onto those who mock others on that day by cursing them with something that doesn't exist."

Tossing the magazine, she stood up and told both Leonard and Amy. "Fine. Do it. But don't say I didn't warn you."

She stormed out of 4A, slamming the door as she went. When they tried knocking on Penny's door, she wouldn't answer it. Texting failed in reaching her as well. Left with no other choice, they left her alone.

A week went by with Leonard not being able to get into contact with Penny and he was beginning to get worried. Finally, he tried to use his key only to find out that she had not only changed her locks, but had added more of them. Frowning he went back over to the apartment.

"Did you know that Penny changed her locks?" he asked Sheldon.

"Yes, she did so the day after you decided to be in her words, 'a complete and utter douche'," he answered, as he kept working on his computer. "Penny told me to inform you that she no longer wishes to have any sort of dealings with you." He looked over to him, adding, "Leonard, I may not hold true to her silly notions, but I know better than to make fun of anyone's credos. After all, look at what my mother believes. If I don't make fun of that, why would I make fun of what Penny holds true?"

Rolling his eyes, Leonard said, "Nothing's going to happen!"

Sheldon looked over to him fully, asking, "And now you wish to go on with what you planned in the first place just to prove her wrong?" He stood up, packed away his laptop and power cord.

"Where are you going?" Leonard demanded.

"If anything can and will go wrong, Leonard, it will for you. It's as the young people say—that's just how you roll." He went over to the closet, pulling out a duffle bag and went to the front door. "I wish you would rethink this stance that you and Amy are taking. But who am I to stop you when I don't even believe it myself?"

"Then why are you going?" he asked.

"I'm going over to Raj's apartment to help decorate," he answered. "I told you this yesterday, Leonard."

"Oh yeah," he breathed and watched as he left without another word.

…

As it turned out, Sheldon didn't go to Raj's. He went over to CalTech, making his way over to one of the larger unused rooms. He unlocked it and found Raj, Howard, and Bernadette there, as well as Penny. They were all naked and covered in runes from head to foot, standing in three of the corners of the room. Quickly Sheldon shed his clothing, folded them and put them away. Penny went over to him, waiting quietly as she did so. Once he was finished stripping, Penny quietly began to chant as she began to dip her fingers into the earthen bowl and write on his body. When she was finished, she kissed his forehead, his eyes, and his heart. Sheldon felt a surge of power that had him gasping.

"Penny!" He looked into her eyes and found them to be a sparkling green. "This feels amazing!"

"It gets better," she assured him and covered his mouth with her own in a hungry kiss that soon enough had him kissing her back just as hungrily.

Sex magic, something that Penny had been a mistress of since she was old enough to comprehend what a swish of her hips at a man could do, was one of the most powerful. Penny had tried to help Leonard and Amy come to an understanding, only to be teased as ignorant and foolish. Well, they would soon know just how wrong they were.

Each part of the ceremony was performed until soon enough it was midnight, the witching hour itself. Sheldon and Penny were wrapped around each other with his manhood hard and deep within her.

"My queen!" he gasped, never wanting it to end.

"Say the word and it is yours," she panted, glancing over to Raj, Howard and Bernadette all sleeping together like a pile of puppies.

"You!" he moaned. "I want you!"

"Only for the moment or forever?" she asked.

"Forever!"

She caught him by his hair. "I will not suffer the bitch in heat chasing you a moment longer."

His eyes went hot. "As I will not suffer that fool with plans for you, my queen."

She smiled sweetly. "The fates will tend to them, but for now we have minions and our future to plan…" She deposited a feather light kiss to his lips. "…my king."

…

Leonard walked next to Amy on their way over from Steward's shop, both of them looking upset. None of their friends had gone to the party and they looked pretty damn foolish dressed up like demented witches.

"Where could they be?" Amy asked him. "I tried calling Sheldon several times, as well as Penny and Bernadette."

"I tried the guys too," he told her. "I was sent straight over to voicemail." He stopped in his tracks and looked over to Amy. "Where do you think they're at?"

Crossing her arms over her chest, she answered, "I don't know, but when I find Sheldon…"

Neither one of them were able to finish the conversation that they had foolishly decided to stop to have in the middle of the street, as the dump truck that hit them killed both of them instantly.

…

Meanwhile back at the school, Penny woke with a gasp. Sheldon pulled her back down, cooing to her, "Go back to sleep, beloved. We have much to do tomorrow."

Cuddling back up with her chosen mate, Penny fell back to sleep with the thought that perhaps Amy and Leonard would have learned something from this life before going on to the next. One could only hope.

 **The end!**

 **…**

 **There you go! Thanks again for all the support. If you could, please review. Take care and have yourselves a lovely day.**

 **Okay, I just received a rather rude critique from a "guest" reviewer. I don't tend to care they say about me or the story, but insulting people on medications for mental illness is just not right. Hate the story, even hate how it's just going against what you personally love, but insulting people that have no control over their health is going too far.**

 **Oh yeah, and I warned you all about the story being a Shenny. You can't imagine the laugh I had over it. Something others are doing right now too. You might think about reading the summaries more carefully in the future, seeing as you missed that rather blatant warning. Just saying.**


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